the Good, the Bad, the Sad

Hi.

Have you ever felt the kind of sadness that makes you cry at every happy moment because it can be taken away from you and when it is it would just crush your heart to a billion tiny pieces? Have you every cried and felt like the tip of your fingers and your joints were detaching from each other? Have you ever felt your heart sink like an anchor?

I'm currently at a crossroad and I can't seem to choose happiness over loneliness.

In maybe less than a month a very important person in my life will be leaving me for the third time in this life time, to carry on with his life's plan. This departure is, as a whole, a good thing for the both of our futures but we will be apart for possibly over two years.

It takes two years to learn how to talk sensibly, it takes two years to determine if a relationship really is built on love, and it takes two people to keep one.. but it only takes 1/10 of a second for a gunshot to shoot through a persons heart... So many things can happen in a span of a minute what more in two years?

This obstacle of distance and time is daunting me like a scary ghost from the past. It scares me beyond comprehension and I almost instantly give in to the fear it cloaks over me. I am beside myself. I feel like the last few weeks that we have with each other is a curse disguised as a blessing.

The feeling of being left behind is the most awful thing in the world because it means you are left with everything to remind you of the person who left. You are surrounded by the memories and the places which don't mean to haunt you but inevitably do.

The vastness of the ocean and its seemingly never ending-ness  is the only way I could begin to describe all the emotions I have bottled up. The feeling of drowning and being lost in its depth is the only comforting thought I could think of because it will swallow you whole and make you forget about your worries and focus on the air you need to breathe in in order to survive.

I don't think I'm making much sense and it's because my heart is thinking for me thus I'm totally senseless and void of logic. Forgive me for that.

I wish for nothing but happiness to visit and stay as long as possible because sadness has been keeping me up and stealing me away from sleep.

All the love in the world,

-smart aleck